• Beelzebubby

1: A Private Letter For The Demons of Hell

Updated: Jun 17

!!DO NOT READ!!

Correspondence for the Demons of Hell only

PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL

_________


Dearest Demons, Today marks the launch of the official "Go To Hell" website! 'Tis a monumental day indeed! On this day we begin the mass gathering of human souls, and the beginning of the coming apocalypse! We will use this "Boardgame for Metalheads" to hoodwink the filthy humans great and small, those that walk on two legs and those that crawl on their bellies, with their many mouths and beaks and feathers. In our efforts to attract and ensnare the filthy apes we have enlisted the help of our competent colleagues in The Department of Human Affairs, who have been given the very unfortunate task of studying the putrid wrecks and thus know the humans better than any of us. It is thanks to their tireless efforts that we have learned that every human absolutely loves wet dirt (something they call mud) and shares a common affinity with wanting to be a sheep-dog.

Yes, indeed... Mud and sheep-dogs. What a strange species they are.

Vile that they should be allowed a soul at all!

But we will use this knowledge to our advantage!

Armed with this information we will use mud and sheep-dog propaganda to lure the stupid hummus-sapiens and thus ensnare their mortal souls for Our Father Below, forever! Please begin the dissemination of the following propaganda at your earliest convenience.




That is sure to lure them here. Infernally yours, Senior Demon of Soul Entrapment,

Beelzebubby

CRITICAL UPDATE: Please read my retraction on the above newsletter here.

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